New Atomic Element Governmentium (Gv) Discovered
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Somebody who’s a lot more clever than I am wrote the following. (My addition is on Bureauacritizatium.) I hope you enjoy it. It’s so true:
Researchers at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to complete to take from four days to four years.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2–6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moronic promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
An outside force called Bureauacritizatium guides and directs all the peons and morons no matter how much their power levels drop. Even when Governmentium and Administratium no longer function, Bureauacritizatium is always read with an additional infusion of control. Contrary to all the laws of physics, while Bureauacritizatium can be created; it can never be destroyed.